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MooeyDooey

HEtalia Jokes!

I came up / have heard some REALLY awesome jokes that work PERFECTLY with hetalia, and knew that SOMEONE else here had to have some to share! SO POST YOUR HETALIA JOKES HERE!!!!


What does Russia do when he wants to be alone with Prussia?
He closes the iron curtain.

- - - - -- - - - -

Heaven (based off of another joke)

Austria, Romano, and Italy all go to heaven. When they get to the pearly white gates they meet Saint Peter, who greets them and lets them in.
"You can do anything you want here" he says "But you must know one thing. You must never, and I mean NEVER step on a little chick! If you do, we will have to punish you."
Romano grins, and says "HA! That is easy! I shall not step on a chick-" but turns around, and right away steps on a chick. He is taken away, and given his punishment. For punishment he is chained by the ankle to the most infuriating, the most FRUSTRATING man, Spain, doomed to be chained to him for the rest of eternity in heaven.
Austria and Italy make it longer. Austria goes for a week without stepping on a chick, but one day after not looking before he stepped in front of his piano bench to sit on it, stepped on one. He is also taken away, and chained to another man so obnoxious and infurating, Prussia, and doomed to be chained to him for the rest of eternity.
Italy makes it a week without stepping on a chick, then a month, then a year, then a few years. After so long Saint Peter approaches him, saying "Congratulations, Italy. You have gone so long without stepping on a chick, so you shall be rewarded."
Italy is brought before another man, but he is Big and strong and Macho, soon finding out that his name is Germany. Italy is chained to Germany, and they are sent off to be chained together forever. After some conversation, Italy notices that Germany seems a bit down. So he asks "Heeey, Doitsu! Why are you making a sad face?"
Germany turns to Italy, and says:
"... I stepped on a chick."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Train Ride (found this one)

An east german, a hungarian, and a russian are all sitting on a train. They decide to get into a contest, of whose country is the most well off. In order to prove that her country is the best, the Hungarian takes out a sausage, takes only a bite, then throws the rest out of the window. When the others question why she did that, she answers with:
"Well, we have SO many of those, that I cannot possibly eat them all."
The russian goes next, taking out a bottle of vodka. He takes only a sip, then throwing the rest out of the window. When the others question his logic, he says:
"Well, we have so many of those, our storage closets cannot hold any more."
After this, the train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. When the train exists the tunnel and light is in it once more, the russian is missing. When the hungarian questions it, the eat german replies
"Well, we have SO many of those..."
tabikat

THE LAST ONE, OH GOD YES! XD East Germany really is still chock full of Russian people and influence, the girl I knew that lived in East Germany all her life is actually half German, half Russian.

*died*

I don't have any jokes but I have funny real life things.

Remember when I said I lived in Germany during the fall of the Berlin Wall? I lived in West, so we had the Autobahn, the highway with absolutely no speed limit and because the West Germans had better cars and American cars traveling on it, no one thought anything else.

Now on the East German side, they had this cars called Trabts, which as described by some east germans I know are "cardboard boxes on wheels, you could fix them with pantyhose". They probably had a lawn mower engine in them, could only go up to 20 miles per hour.

Now, when the wall fell and all the east germans flooded into west germany, some of them came in their cars.

Please imagine a Trabt on the Autobahn and in my mother's own words, " You could see the little cars shake from the sheer wind force of the west german cars, we thought they would fall apart just by that. Inside, you could see the East German's faces go "Oh SHIT" as everyone passed them by."
Huxaiu

Phhhht Tabi you need to draw that as Prussia and Germany. I would die laughing!

Oh Hetalia jokes~

But I'm on the same boat as Tabi I don't have any jokes per say but conversations with my mum.

Ok, so I was born in Miami Florida (get your laughs out now that's not the joke). I only stayed there for three years so I have VERY little memory but my mum and dad have a couple of stories.

So somehow the topic of Canadians came up and Florida.

My mum shivers and goes "yeah for some reason Canadians love to visit Florida in the summer, oh God the hairy Canadians in speedos".

I lol'd, a lot.
Alissa

Huxaiu wrote:
the hairy Canadians in speedos

This too needs to be drawn. XDDD

I don't have a joke. Except that I live in Miami, Florida.
Huxaiu

Alissa wrote:
Huxaiu wrote:
the hairy Canadians in speedos

This too needs to be drawn. XDDD

I don't have a joke. Except that I live in Miami, Florida.


I have drawn it, horrible but it is drawn Lol.

*high five* Yay Miami buddies! (Even though I don't live there anymore)
tabikat

Huxaiu wrote:
Phhhht Tabi you need to draw that as Prussia and Germany. I would die laughing!

Oh Hetalia jokes~

But I'm on the same boat as Tabi I don't have any jokes per say but conversations with my mum.

Ok, so I was born in Miami Florida (get your laughs out now that's not the joke). I only stayed there for three years so I have VERY little memory but my mum and dad have a couple of stories.

So somehow the topic of Canadians came up and Florida.

My mum shivers and goes "yeah for some reason Canadians love to visit Florida in the summer, oh God the hairy Canadians in speedos".

I lol'd, a lot.


I drew Prussia in a trabt on the Autobahn on tegaki, its horribly drawn but its there.

Also, don't blame the Canadians, they have to keep warm SOMEHOW up there...and this is totally dissing myself, they are French decent...

the good thing about a French person, they never go bald =D
Huxaiu

tabikat wrote:
Huxaiu wrote:
Phhhht Tabi you need to draw that as Prussia and Germany. I would die laughing!

Oh Hetalia jokes~

But I'm on the same boat as Tabi I don't have any jokes per say but conversations with my mum.

Ok, so I was born in Miami Florida (get your laughs out now that's not the joke). I only stayed there for three years so I have VERY little memory but my mum and dad have a couple of stories.

So somehow the topic of Canadians came up and Florida.

My mum shivers and goes "yeah for some reason Canadians love to visit Florida in the summer, oh God the hairy Canadians in speedos".

I lol'd, a lot.


I drew Prussia in a trabt on the Autobahn on tegaki, its horribly drawn but its there.

Also, don't blame the Canadians, they have to keep warm SOMEHOW up there...and this is totally dissing myself, they are French decent...

the good thing about a French person, they never go bald =D


Awww, yeah I've got the french Canadian too~ I bet my poor father wishes he were french canadian now (he's starting to go bald).
Unfortunately I've got this weird thing in my family in which I may just go randomly bald one day *sobs* My grandmother work up when she was young (15 or so) and all her hair started to fall out, even eye lashes and eye brows. Lucky it grew back, we think it was just a fluke but I love my hair everyday because of it.

I still blame the Canadians. If they're gonna come down into America they should have the decency to shave a little! XD
Davyn

Well, there's one involving America and Turkey...*stops for fear of being murdered*

I only have one pretty good one:

Q: Where does Russia shop for clothes?


A: KOHLSKOHLSKOHLSKOHLS
Alissa

@Davyn: I am not sure whether to laugh or groan. It's wonderful...but so terrible.
tabikat

What are you when you need to go to the bathroom?

Russian

What are you while in the bathroom?

European

What are you when you're done in the bathroom?

Finnish

(used to tell those jokes when I was a child XD)
Aliehstfd

One day, a man walks up to Hitler, claiming that he makes a machine to make people dissapear. Hitler is, of course, skeptical and refuses to believe him unless he produces proof. So, the man throws a couple of Jews into the machine and POOF, they're gone. Hitler is amazed, but still skeptical. "Let me see that again" He says. So the man throws in a couple gypsies and POOF, they too, are gone. Hitler is awe-struck. "Okay, I need to see this work one more time, and I'll buy it." So the man throws in a couple of Italians, POOF, they're gone. Hitler can't believe his eyes.

"That's amazing! I'm sold, I've GOTTA have this machine. But I have to ask. I understand the Jews, I understand the Gypsies, but why the Italians? I like the Italians."

The man replies "Eh, you gotta grease up the machine every once in a while."

*rimSHOT*
tabikat

I remember you told that at the olympics. lol.
freyaizstillhere

lol at frances joke

man... i know plenty of bad racial jokes.... except when i think hetalia jokes i just get russia= tent.... god i hate my belarus.....
tabikat

You could always turn that around and say Russia is tenting...

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